i finally dated a woman that reflects my mother's energy signature
“Rape just doesn’t apply to sex, rape can also be implied to mental, physical (slave to a job that I don’t want to do anymore), emotional, and spiritual” ~ Milagro Da’Greatest PERIOD
It’s been some months since I wrote a blog in my website. After I posted about "shadows of my darkness" blog, I just didn’t have enough energy to invest in my blog due to healing. Healing took up so much energy. All I had time for was my spiritual work and dancing. I came to a realization that I was giving way too much of my energy to others and neglecting the most important person in my life, me! It’s no one else fault by mine. So my pullback game is immaculate. I also realize I can type my blogs on my phone and transition them to my computer (simple and yet so profound). So I had no excuse of not being engaged but shit happens. I take full responsibility.
Anyways, after years of running away from certain women that reminded me of my mother energy signature. After years and years of suffering with lungs and gut issues (a neega been flirting with death way too many fucking times). I finally got tired of doing the same thing over and over again (running away from what I reject) expecting different results, insanity. I told myself from teenager years til my young adult years that I will never date, have a girlfriend, fuck, and/or even marry any woman that reflects my mother’s energy signature. Not understanding at that time of how thoughts and emotions hold weight on manifesting future experiences and how mother and offspring relationship and bonding are the foundation of my emotional energy. First, never say never if I haven’t experienced it in the first place. I remember I told myself when I was taking care of my mother during Lamar University days. Not to depend on others for what I can do for myself. Because my mother was depending on her family to take care of her and she manifested to be homeless and had to go to the shelter. I told myself I will never experience being homeless like my mother. Then boom, I was experiencing homelessness like my own mother lmao. Second, since I came out my mother’s womb, she was the first woman I ever knew from this existence. Since I experienced being within her body for nine months. I was imbedded with her own emotional turmoil and her emotional so called good shit states (joys, happiness, excitements, etc.).
So damn near each woman I have met & encountered, have some kind of vibrational frequency energy state of being that reflected my mother’s energy signature. So once I started to truly live from my subconscious, unconscious, unknown mind. I really became aware how similar these women were like my mother. Which I hated and rejected and what’s crazy, the persistence of me rejecting my mother's energy signature was getting stronger and stronger. Anyways, what started to happen. Each time I talked with a chick (that didn't resonate with my mother's energy signature), we hit it off and then eventually they would stop talking to me, cold turkey. I started to notice that there was a pattern going on and need it to find out why was this happening to me. From my understanding, my spirit-soul, need it me to isolate myself to the point the only woman I would be able to talk. Was the woman who reflects my mother’s energy signature. I will not be using this woman real name. So I will call her Eve. The first time Eve and I talked on the phone. I knew right off the bat she reminded me of my mother’s energy signature. For some reason, I kept on talking to her. So we eventually linked up and damn it. Each time I hung around her. I was agitated and irritated, nocap. Her vibrational frequency energy state of being just brought back memories of the toxicity my mother and I had toward each other. Triggers & traumas!
When I am within Eve’s household and environment, I became aware that it reminded me of my childhood household and environment. I felt right at home. So I am coming from a non bias judgment. When she gets trigger, she’s not in this reality anymore. She’s reliving in her past. I felt uncomfortable around her because she likes to compare me to being a rapist. I didn’t know why until recently I found out that her father raped her. Which made sense now! She has enough energy to express a touchy subject with me. I think my spirit-soul manifested her into my life to find some hidden truths that I have been seeking for a very long time about my mother. Like Eve, my mother isn’t able to express being raped as of now. I know my mother was raped by my biological father which is hard for her to come to terms with it. She’s traumatized! Every time we discuss about my father, she reliving her past traumas. This spiritual shit isn’t for the weak! Spirituality doesn’t care about what’s good and bad. What matters is how am I learning from these polarities and transcend them. I knew intuitively that I had to have sex with this woman. To go into that similar womb portal of my mother and transmutate it. By enjoying being back into my womb portal and not have any kind of pain, hurt, fears, etc. towards it. I am grateful to have sex with Eve. I am grateful to finally face what I reject that reminds me of my mother’s energy signature and to embrace it. It’s like I released that birth rape energy from within me and transmutate to always benefit me in a magickal, mysterious ways.
So now, I welcome to date, have as a girlfriend, have sex, and even marry my mother’s energy signature of any woman who reflects that. Saying never with emotional turmoil taught me not to never say never especially if I haven’t experienced it ever before. I am letting go for eternity of my emotional turmoil of being birthed from rape and not be ashamed of it. Those kind of experiences allowed me to explore the mysteries of life.